So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i have two assholes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
