So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
