zippers are such a cool invention
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
