another moral hangover. fuck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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