Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
