I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
