So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
