New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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