a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I understand Curling. That high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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