3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize