Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
