You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
