I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
