he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
