I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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