We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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