yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
