take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
