the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
