I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
