Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
