@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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