Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
