Kiss
Puke
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A+ Viking dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
