Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize