You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
