He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize