I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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