I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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