i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we're making bets on your personal life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize