sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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