This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
