I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
