Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
