you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
