if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If that was your dad, he is hot
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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