"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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