i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
