Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
