So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
