lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
