guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
