i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
