haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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