Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize