She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
