dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
