i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She announced her abortion via fbk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
