addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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