I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
