in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
