I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
