whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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