I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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