I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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