so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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