you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you didnt know i had herpes?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You are the jesus of drinking
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize