Can i not drive my cunt home
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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