It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
