What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I came so hard my ears popped.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
