This house was built for laser tag.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
