She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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