she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
