my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
