Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
