Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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