new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
