Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
